We all have an idealized version of how we want our futures to be. We all have ideas that we hope to put to use one day. It can be as simple as a type of dog that you want to buy, I want a husky, or the city that you would love to live in one day. Girls get a serious dose of this their whole lives. From a young age we play house and pretend to be married. We think of what we want at our weddings and what we want in a future husband for as long as we remember. I feel like it is getting more serious now with the internet at our disposal in almost all devices. Websites like Pinterest opens all sorts of avenues for it by connecting people with all these ideas. I am just as guilty of it but a majority of the girls that I know have a board for that one special day in the future.
We may laugh about this but it is a true thing that is going on with girls my age. Can I be honest that I do find Pinterest is fun because of being able to see all these ideas and think about what I would want in my eventual wedding. The thing about it is that it isn’t all fun. I have days where I get very frustrated with it. It irritates me to no end. The only way that I can explain it is that the board that I made of all the things that I want are taunting me as I am nowhere near getting to have them. I look on there with such anticipation for the day that I get to live them and then look at my life now. I’m a single girl. I have no boyfriend or the like and most days I am ok with it. There are days though that I wish that I could just find the right person and move on with my life. I just want to have that dream wedding and get to start a family in the perfect house.
That is exactly why I’m not ready. I am not ready to be a wife and mother as much as I want to be. It pains me a lot to say that in a way that many may not understand. My whole life that was the only thing that I knew that I wanted. I knew that I wanted to be a mother and wife. That was the only things in my life that was a certain to me, so for me to have to admit that I’m not ready for role is heartbreaking but true. I’m not ready because I am more in love with the idea of marriage then actually finding the right man for me. I am ready for the perfect life that I have designed for myself and whoever is lucky enough to come with me. However it goes deeper then that though, in the above life that I have talked about did I even mention God once? Nope. Not even a little bit.
I forgot God in my perfect life. I am an acting Christian and I forgot Him. I am not ready for marriage because I am not nearly in love with God that I should be before I try to bring in another man to love. How can I love a sinner like myself when I haven’t fallen in love with the loving God that has never once hurt me. Think about the logic in that. I haven’t gotten the relationship that I could have had by now with the God that has loved me since before I was born and has only done things for my own good. By that same token I want to commit my life to a sinner who WILL at some point hurt me whether he means to or not.
Until I can live to the commitment that I gave God I have no place giving a commitment to another flawed human-being. While there are days that I get really frustrated with this I am so grateful for it. I know that may sound crazy. However just imagine if I jumped into a marriage right now. It would crash because I am not prepared for it yet, I’m still working on it right now. Now I’m not saying that I will ever get things perfect but what I am saying that as a Christian I am to put my love and devotion to God first. Until I am in a certain place in my relationship with God I will never get the blessings out of marriage that I am supposed to get.
So right now I’m waiting. I’m sure there are many girls out there that are struggling with this right now. I think of it as a blessing however. I am getting to take the time to get ready for my perfect man. God promises that He has such great plans for each of us and I cling to that daily. This time of preparation is teaching me what I need for the future and I get to spend time with the Lord figuring out my own issues for now. I am going to trust Him on this one and I truly believe that waiting for His promises is one of the best things that I could ever do. After all if we where to dis-guard His plan it’s us who loses out on His favor not He who loses out on ours.
So girls waiting for that special guy still, spend this time working on your relationship and bettering yourself. That man will come around at the perfect time that God appointed, plus I have always been told that when you find that man you will just know.